Life will only get better. :)

New blogskin , new layout, new song, new beginning of life.

Let me summarise my life for last month, August.

Projects, tests, exams, heartaches, studying, going church.

My daily life. ;O

Okay. Let's talk about my life after breaking up with Kenneth.

As usual, I still have alot of projects and exams on hand.

Man, my life was so terrible at that point of time. I was so fragile . Yet I still have to put a smiling mask to go to school everyday.

Everyday I woke up, I will cry. Every night before I go to sleep, I will cry. I will keep going to his facebook profile and see how is he doing, what are his feelings after breaking up with me .

Studying and memorising notes while crying at the same time.

That was such a difficult period of my life.

After that I made a pact to myself, that I will ask him to patch with me after exam ends on 2nd Sep. (which was just yesterday.)

We met, and he came to my house.

Locked ourselves inside my bedroom , and I faced him with a straight face, asking him if he wants to patch.

But he shook his head. I could feel my heart breaking already.

Then I told him about how I spent my life after we broke up. (Crying and stuff)

After that I hugged him tight and cried, and pleaded him to come back to me , because I really feel so miserable without him in my life. Literally crying everyday and can only see darkness .

He hugged back and cried . At that point of time I really thought that I had a chance.

But when I asked him for patch again, he pushed me away.

This time ,my heart was totally broken, crushed into pieces.

I started to wake up to reality. Then I shoved all the stuff that belonged to him to his hands.

I said to him,

"let's not contact ever again . Even if we are in cgm/service, I will treat you as an invisible person. I will treat like you've never passed by in my life before. We will be strangers.

AND THE PERSON I HATE MOST IS YOU.

Then I said , everytime is me who stands by the door and watching your back and going inside the lift.

This time, you will be the one who will be watching me go. Since it's your decision to let me go. You chose to let me go, heartlessly. You chose to let go of this relationship and not give it a second chance. You will never ever step into my house or go out alone with me again.

Because we are strangers.

Get out of my house and throw the keys on the floor later . (Then i passed to him the house keys)

Then i sat on the chair, crying with all my tears out. He turned back, and stood beside me , watching me cry. I thought, I really thought he wanted to change his mind and come back to me. But he just patted my head , and said, don't cry anymore.

I looked at him, trying to see any hope in his eyes. But his eyes is the same. The feeling is still the same. The look is still the same. And that point of time I know that he will never, ever come back again.

After that I said. Go away please. And he started to walk away, walk away from me , to the door , and out of my house, gone. Leaving me alone in the room, leaving me in my misery.

He still loves me , this is the fact that he can't deny, and even told me his own. I love him too. Both of the party still love each other .

But it's just, we're not fated to be . Nothing can be changed. He is not willing to change for me . The outcome will still turns out the same if we are back again if one party doesn't want to give in any effort in this relationship anymore , though he still loves me .

At that night, I prayed, talked to Him.

I cried , keep crying till my eyes were swollen and red. Prayed for Him to give me strength to stay strong, prayed that I can continue to smile, prayed for Him to be with me at this time.

This morning, I prayed again. Somehow, talking to Daddy, really feel so much better.

Yesterday's event was so.... so vague.

Just feel that it happened long ago. The pain and misery got better, by the grace of God.

Though we may not be lovers, though the love between us still exists, but..

sometimes letting go of someone, you will find someone better out there, the destined person that God has planned for His beloved children.

Deleted all our photos in Facebook, put our albums into private.

Our memories, shall be the beautiful chapter of our love story. And actually, I don't hate you. That phrase was spoken to you because I want you to feel hurt.

Tears may be shed, pain may be miserable, scars may be deep.

But time, and God's grace will heal them all .

This time , I've let go of you. I will never ever look back . To me , you are just a piece of memory in my heart and mind .

Because at the very least, we've had happy memories, beautiful times, beautiful events, breath-taking places we've gone to, the beautiful words we've shared to each other, the tears shared, laughter and fun we've had, the amazing times we've spent with each other, most importantly,

we used to love each other madly before. We used to. Used to..

I will be a stronger person from now on. And continue to smile .

Painful experiences were created to mould people into a stronger and much better person .

At least I won't choose the wrong guy from now on.

Lastly, all the best in your future endeavours, Kenneth . Your choices affect consequences in future. Aim for the poly you want, do well in your studies, and be punctual for your school .

I will keep you in prayers for your skin and bone condition.

Someday I will get over you , and talk to you again as friends.

But for now, it's impossible. But I believe time will heal the pain .

And I believe someday, I will use our story , and find a hurt, to heal the hurt.